The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex

Romantic movies will have you believe that sex is all cuddles and well made beds, ending in close of camera shots of people who look absolutely stunning. Sorry to disappoint you world but this is not how real sex goes down.

It’s not all night love-making, most of the time it’s quick, messy and at times pretty unsexy. Have you ever thought about some of the things you do during sex? I mean really sat down and thought about it.

In the spirit of being totally honest with you, here are 21 of the unsexiest things about sex. Believe me you’ll know what I mean once you start reading.


1. That smell

You know the one. Sperm, lady juice, sweat, all mixed up and bottled for your nasal pleasure. Gross.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


2. Removing socks

No matter how sexy you are, nobody looks good hopping around the room trying to get their socks off.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


3. Fanny farts

The less said about those bad boys the better.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


4. Proper farts

They manage to slip out when you least expect it and absolutely kill the mood. Classic.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


5. Sex cramp in your leg

You’re doing your best… then it feels like someone has plunged a knife into your thigh. Moment killer.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


6. Getting semen in your eye

Anywhere other than your private parts and it’s certainly not cool. It’s messy, it’s gross and nobody likes it.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


7. Swallowing

Trying to imagine it’s a lovely fruit smoothie, when actually it tastes like a salty bogey. So grim.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


8. Your underwear

No matter how much you plan it, you always end up getting laid when you’re wearing your worst pants. You know, those boring black ones with a hole in the back.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


9. The blood

“Oh, you’re bleeding.” It’s never actual proper blood though, it’s always that awful brown discharge. DISCHARGE. Gross.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


10. The crab shuffle

The race against time to get to a toilet or bin before everything goes everywhere. You never win.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


11. The inevitable fail

You never get to the toilet time, and you’re left with a lovely drizzle of the good stuff running down your leg. Perfect.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


12. Dirty talk

This never works. Nobody has ever sounded sexy shouting, “hump me with your megacock.” Sorry guys.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


13. Trying to strip

There is nothing worse than fighting that pesky zip whilst stone cold sobre, hoping that your partner is still going to be up for it once you’re done.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


14. Orgasm faces

We all have them, and it’s not a sexy look. Think someone trying to chew a wasp, or getting shot in the leg. Probably.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


15. Pubes

Annoying, wiry and scratchy. They get everywhere and need constant grooming. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


16. The sweat

Unless you’re doing it on a block of ice, the sweat will get you. The sort of sticky sweat that sticks your hair to your head. It’s not a cute look.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


17. Dryness

If you’re not wet, it’s not comfortable. Going in dry is painful and doesn’t bring any pleasure to anyone. Do your foreplay properly guys.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


18. Doggy style

Who the fuck decided that this was the way to have sex?

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


19. Jaw ache

Too much blowing and sucking leads to crippling jaw ache. If only you had the willpower to work this hard in the gym eh?

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


20. Penises and vaginas

Let’s be honest, neither of them are particularly pretty. Seeing as they are important parts, you’d have hoped they’d look more appealing.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex


21. Rolling into a wet patch you didn’t know was there

GRIM.

The 21 Unsexiest Things About Sex

What did I tell you? Sex isn’t all romance and love hearts. Sometimes it’s dirty, gross and downright messy. They might make it look like a fairytale on TV, but you’ve got to put up with quite a lot before you can start to enjoy yourself. I you think this is bad, check out these people getting busted having sex in public. A real eye-opener for any of you exhibitionists out there. Have you had to deal with these awfully unsexy moments? Let us know.