The 12 Worst Types Of Kisser In The World (Ever)

We’ve decided to put together a list of the worst type of kissers to ever grace the planet Earth, just cause we’re nice like that. If you’re one of these serial offenders then you need to reconsider some of your life choices, my friend, starting right now. Here are the 12 worst type of kissers we’ve all experienced:

1) The Prude

What are you, Amish? Lips completely sealed and not even a hint of tongue? This ain’t the no Disney movie, give me some sugar bitch because I am your neighbour.

2) The Biter

A little biting is good (when the mood strikes), but do it all the time and it’s officially weird, not to mention painful.

3) The Stiff

The face and mouth are good, but their body is at solid as your Mom’s ironing board which leads us to question pretty much everything else about them as a person.

4) The Diver

Spontaneity is fun, but unexpected kisses can be disastrous. Clanking of teeth and noses hurts more than you’d imagine. Ow.


5) The Groaner

Like, I know I’m a good kisser. You don’t have to groan about it, jeez. Do you think you’re in a porno? Actually, don’t answer that.

6) The Constrictor

Holding the back of someone’s head is romantic. But when he or she has your head in a vice, not so much. LET IT GO.


7) The Vaccum

Suction makes a kiss less sloppy. But when they make your mouth drier than the Sahara Desert and you’ve got to bring a water bottle with you every time they’re around, then you just know it’s not good.

8) The Breath Holder

Multitasking is key to kissing. Learn to breathe through your nose while kissing and you’ll be a-okay. *Deep breaths*


9) The Counter

Brushing their tongue along every single tooth in your mouth feels horrific for everyone involved. Do you want to be a dentist or something?

10) The Washing Machine

Take some tips from Angus, Thongs And Perfect Snogging. No washing machines allowed. You don’t need or want a tongue swirling around your mouth, thanks very much. NEXT.


11) The Awkward Hands

Everything is great, but they don’t know where to put their hands. Back is the safest place, don’t grab their bum because honestly, it’s a bit much. You’ll thank me later, believe me.

12) The Puppy

The trick to using tongue is to keep it inside either their mouth or your mouth. Not around their mouth. Sticky face and vom, in equal measure.