Sweaty Betty: 10 Reasons Why Running Sucks

Exercise is the worst. There, we said it. In order to maintain any kind of healthy facade, there are so many things you can kiss goodbye. Say sayonara to that giant bar of chocolate or those big juicy burgers and say hi to feeling guilty when it’s 3am and you’re munching on a battered sausage after a night in the club. Trying to improve your health just isn’t fun. Let’s take running as a classic example. Here are ten reasons why running kills me internally:

Great way to motivate yourself to be healthy and fit. Page dedicated to all fit people and dieters of pinterest.

1) Actually Running

I run four or five times a week and I don’t even like it; in fact, I hate it. Don’t believe anyone if they say they enjoy it because that’s just bullshit. Actually having to continue to place one foot in front of the other when you’re so out of breath, your shirt is sticking to your back and you have a lovely amount of sweat pooling in your asscrack, elbows and boobs is horrible. Sliding in the dog shit that someone was too lazy to pick up is horrible. Running by a line of traffic and just knowing that they are staring at you (because we all do it), is horrible. Everything about this is horrible…

2) Sweaty Betty

As red as a tomato you shall stay for the next two hours – girls, good luck putting make-up over that base. It will be like you’ve washed your hair already what with it being drenched with sweat and when you take your ponytail down, your hair will stick to your sweaty back and it will be gag worthy.

3) Eating Well

Please don’t get me wrong. I loooooove eating. I will eat everything and anything in sight, but if you are serious about running and “being a fit/healthy person” you will have to cut down your diet to carbs (good carbs), protein, fruit and veg. Yuck. And don’t even get me started on protein shakes. (FYI, they taste like stale cookies.)

4) Time Is Of The Essence

If you work full-time or go to college and you run as well, I applaud thee. Olympians don’t have it as hard as us. They get paid to train whereas we train AND go to work or college (or both) and for that we deserve a gold medal. Not even joking….

5) Planning Is Key

Even on your rest days, running will always be on your mind, just there niggling away at you, “Why haven’t you gone on a run yet?”. You’ll know the weather forecast and the wind speed better than any shitty weather app in no time at all…

Hot and sweaty is just how lululemon likes it. Check out these easy-to-love layers.

6) Leggings Are A Girls Worst Friend

Don’t even try to look like the sportswear models; they promote unrealistic standards that you’ll never achieve. Most of them have their hair down and are smiling. So goddamn unrealistic. You will not look amazing and happy when running. You will look shiny and miserable. The stylish thin strap sports bras are crap, you need a safety harness to protect your boobies when running and above all else, who the fuck wears makeup while running? Seriously though.

7) Cross Training = Torture

Your two days rest are really just a one day rest because of cross training. You have to keep up your overall fitness, after all. Ugh.

8) The Early Bird Catches The Worm

If you have a busy day and social life you have to fit your run in there somewhere and that somewhere is usually the morning. So if your commute to work or college is making you get up at 7am, instead say hello to 6am.

9) Nothing Shared Is Nothing Gained

Nowadays people need to see things to believe them, so get yourself an app and share it to Facebook, Twitter, Tinder, Grinder, ANYWHERE!

10) Smooth Or Fuzzy, Take Your Pick

If you’re like me and you’ve given up caring about what people think of you and your body, bravo! But if not, I am so sorry because you are going to be shaving your legs and armpits a lot. Don’t let society hold you back and it’s a huge waste of time having to shave your legs every 3 days. Feel the wind blow through your hairy legs (that is honestly how bad mine are at the moment), it’s invigorating!

All-in-all, running is horrible and should not be attempted by the weak. You have been warned.

The Best Running Songs You Must Have On Your Playlist »