Lies We All Tell Ourselves Before We Go Out

Are you heading out with your friends tonight? Chances are you’re going to promise yourself at least one of the following. Unfortunately, even you know that they are just lies. You’re just blatantly lying to yourself and there’s nothing you can do about it. Here are some lies we tell ourselves before we go out.

1) I don’t care if my ex is there, I’ve totally moved on.
2) I definitely won’t drink too much tonight.
3) I will not be doing shots, tonight I’m sticking to the softer stuff.
4) I’m not getting drunk tonight and that’s that.
5) I’ll drink water between every drink to minimise the risk of dying tomorrow.

6) I won’t stay out late, in fact, I’ll be back home in bed at 12.30.
7) I won’t eat my body weight in fast food at 3am.
8) I don’t want to go home with some random stranger. Not tonight.
9) I’m not going to spend the night making out with some stranger in the corner of the club.
10) I will not call my ex at 4 in the morning and confess how much I miss them.

11) I will not make a drunk Snapchat story.
12) I will not update my status while drunk, as that’s something that is bound to come back and bite me in the ass.
13) I will not drunk-tweet celebrities I am in love with.
14) I will not upload horrible photos of my friends and only the nice photos of me.
15) I can definitely walk in these heels while drunk. Actually, I think strut is the more appropriate term.
16) I won’t get a rip in my tights. I will remain rip-free tonight.

17) I won’t lose anything tonight. My dignity included.
18) I won’t get in a fight with my friends /housemates /ex /the bathroom attendant/ bouncer. And I will remember this all night long.
19) I will look after my friends all night and be the best friend I possibly can be.
20) I definitely won’t ditch my friends for a hookup.
21) I will not fall. Not even once.

22) I will not walk around barefoot at any point tonight.
23) I will not throw up in the next 24 hours.
24) My head and stomach will be fine tomorrow. Better than fine even.
25) I will remember everything that happens tonight. Every little detail.
26) And I will have absolutely no regrets tomorrow morning.