If “Mean Girls” Was Set in Dublin…

If “Mean Girls” was an Irish film, it’d go a little like this (for a start, it’d be called: Mean Moths):

1) Cady would have moved to Dublin from Leitrim.
2) Where her parents were farmers and agricultural scientists.
3) She’d make friends with Janis, a regular in Workmans.

4) Who works in Lush on College Green.
5) “Nice wig, Janis, whatseh made of?” “YOUR MA’S PUBES!”
6) She’d also make friends with Damo, a Pantibar regular.

7) “Four for you Glen Coco, GEWAN GLEN COCO!”
8) Cady was naturally ginger because no Irish person dyes      their hair ginger.
9) She’d “meet” Aaron Byrne behind the P.E. hall.
10) Tables in the canteen at lunch would include groups like: “The Lads”; “The Debate Team”; “The Inbetweeners”.
11) “The Plastics”=”The Huns”
12) “The Huns” could be found at the centre on the way to Eddie’s (Eddie Rockets, for the uninitiated).
13) “For fucks sake Karen, you can’t just ask the poor girl why she doesn’t wear tan…”

14) Regina George had apparently met Jamie Dornan on the plane to Santa Ponsa where he told her she was massive.
15) Gretchen Wiener’s Da would own Tayto.
16) “On Wednesdays we wear our uniform”.
17) The Huns would show Cady the “Bitch Book” at Regina’s gaff in Terenure.
18) “Fuck it yeah, I’ll have a little one”- Cady, when Regina’s ma was offering round the naggins.
19) “Get in the fucking car ye sluh, we’re going town”.

20) Cady catching Regina shifting Aaron at a free gaff. Because Cady is from Leitrim and says shift.
21) Cady feeding Regina spicebags to try and get her to gain weight as revenge. The wagon.
22) There not being a talent show, but everyone singing “Fairytale of New York” in the pub at 9:30 PM on Stephen’s Day.
23) There being waaaaay more drink and a lot more yokes at Cady’s gaff.

cady

24) “Backstabbin’, two-faced HUER”.
25) Cady overtaking Regina as the number 1 Stun Hun in school.
26) “I saw Cady Heron wearing multicoloured leggins and Huaraches so I got multicoloured leggins in Penneys. Five Euro.

27) Everyone absolutely snappin’ at the Huns when Regina releases the Bitch Book.
28) Regina getting hit by the 46A on its way to Dun Laoghaire.
29) Cady getting the “Biggest Ride” award at the debs.