‘Excuse Me…NO’: 22 Annoying Things That Every Waitress Hates

Reading this over, it really gives the impression I hate my job but I actually don’t. I just hate people. They’re the fucking worst. If I could stand here stealing bread rolls and playing with the money in the cash register all day I’d be happy. But no, people have to come along and ruin my day. Typical. Just my luck.

1) Eat 3/4 of the meal, then complain and expect a refund.

Your complaint about how the label said beef but it was actually turkey in the sandwich would be a lot more believable if you had left more than just the crusts.

2) Ask for the Gluten-free option.

Do you even realise how much added effort that is for me? Ignorant coeliacs.

3) Get you to pick money out of their hands/count their change.

1. I have absolutely no intention of even coming within a five metre radius of your grubby, sweaty paws. 2. If you can’t count out €3.50 in change by now, you don’t deserve the money you earn.

4) Walk behind the counter.

The fuck made you think you’re allowed back here? Oh, you’re “just grabbing more ketchup”? Well, excuse me.

5) Put used napkins inside their empty coffee mugs.

I know you think you’re doing us a huge favour by putting your mess into smaller piles, but we have to pick those things out. With our bare hands.

6) Let their kids play with the salts and sugars.

Just put them back in the bowl, it can be as messed up as you like, just please for the love of God don’t leave them spread all over the table.

7) Demand you find them a table when the place is clearly full.

One second, let me just grab my foldaway table from my locker for you.

8) Ask for a free refill of hot water in their teapot and then sneak another teabag when your back is turned.

One time was enough to betray me, Judas.

9) Wait for you to clean a table even when there’s a free one right beside it.

Am I that good at my job that you want your whole family to stand around watching me stack this tray? That’s what I thought.

10) Ask you to heat their baby food and then complain that it’s too hot.

Well, you’d be spending more time waiting for it to heat up than you will waiting for it to cool down, bitch.

11) Give out to you personally about the pricing.

You guessed it. When I’m not busy taking orders I sit in a dark room thinking up ways to rip customers off. I do it in my free time too, actually.

12) Sit in an area that has a sign AND barrier around it that says “Reserved”.

Don’t give me that bullshit excuse that you didn’t see the sign. You had to pick the fucking sign up and move it to get in here.

13) Expect a discount just because they’re Irish/from that area/a local/human.

“Ah sure you’re not going to charge me for that, are you love?” Yes, yes I am you patronising dickfuck.

14) Smile as though saying “Keep the change” to a 5c coin makes them Mother Theresa.

Jesus, that’s going straight into the savings jar now. Thanks for that.

15) Complain about bugs when they sit outside with food.

I was working last weekend and a man legit came up to me and said the following: “Where’s the manager? This is a disgrace. I’ve just spent €25 in this restaurant and now my children are being attacked by wasps outside. Look. *points out the window* What are you going to do about that?”

16) Ask for the receipt, crumple it up and leave it on the counter.

Like, why? I don’t even. Goodbye, sir.

17) Arrive ten minutes before closing and stay for five hours.

“Are you still open?” = bane of my life.

18) Arrive ten minutes after closing and bitch at us for being closed.

What do you want me to say? I’m sorry for having a home to go and a life to live?

19) Change their order 3749572 times.

And then getting pissed off and rude when I ask them to repeat it all together one last time.

20) Sit at a table for six when there’s only two of them.

Especially on a busy day. Of course people are going to ask can they share a table with you if there’s nowhere else to sit. You should’ve taken a normal two-seater if you didn’t want company, you greedy fucks.

21) Leave their shit all over the table so you have nowhere to place their dishes.

Would you rather I put the plate on your lap? Or will I just stand here and spoon-feed you the dinner? I’m cool either way.

22) Try to get staff discount when they clearly don’t work here.

I’m here six days a week and you’re trying to convince me you work here too? Lol.