Borderline Stalking & Utter Paranoia: Surefire Signs You’re A Crazy Girlfriend

You used to laugh at those over-protective, crazy girlfriends. You were used to spending hours trying to calm down your friends, aka the ones who had turned into crazies. You swore you’d never become one of those bitches and now…Well, I hate to break it to you, but if you’re reading this article for reassurance, then maybe you are. You know deep down inside that it’s getting harder and harder to hide your craziness from your boyf. If you can recognise any of these signs, then you need to take a good, hard look in the mirror because bitch, you craaaaaaaaaay….

1) You constantly check his Snapchat and Facebook when he’s not with you.

“He said he was going out the guys, so why is that bitch from his English class there? And why hasn’t he texted me yet telling me he’s okay? Or even to check up on me? Maybe I should go down there too“. Crazy mode, activated.

2) You feel offended if he goes on nights out without you.

“I’m his GIRLFRIEND. Does he not know what that means?!” Yes, although evidently you don’t….

3) Every Instagram picture you put up is one of the two of you.

Gotta make sure the world knows about bae. Oh trust me, WE KNOW. For fuck sake….

4) You feel the need to slobber his face in public, freqently.

Can’t have those other bitches looking at him, HE’S MINE.” Ah yes, and disgusting levels of salvia is the way to do just that.

5) You get pissed off if he gets really drunk without you around.

“Who does he think he is?” Emmm… someone who wants to have fun? Someone young? Someone who probably hates you?

6) You read his messages for him.

“It’s not who texted him, but who texted us.” If you say this, then take a fucking reality check. Poor guy has my sympathies.

7) You have, on several occasions, made him cancel on his friends because you just reaaaally needed him.

You couldn’t find that bag you liked and you really needed him to help you look for it. Obviously this was imperative to your survival.

8) You use sex as a way to get him to do what you want.

It’s not rare for you to threaten to withhold the no pants dance forever if he doesn’t make you dinner.

9) You tell him lies to see if he has the right reaction.

“If you loved me, you’d be crying right now too!” Bitch please, never joke about being pregnant. EVER.

10) You don’t see why you can’t hang out with him and his friends all the time.

Eh, because there’s such a thing as too much quality time together. Step away briskly please.

11) You complain that he loves his job more than you.

Sorry, what? He needs to earn money, so try not to be so selfish for once in your little life.

12) If he takes too long to reply, you send him another five messages in a row.

“I mean he’s SEEN the message, hasn’t replied and that was two minutes ago. Something MUST be wrong.” Well this behaviour is…perfectly normal. *Ahem*

13) You need to know where he is at all times.

This is stalker material right there. In fact, expect a restraining order any day now.

14) You ring his Mother if he doesn’t answer his phone after four calls.

He’s obviously in the hospital and she hasn’t had the time to ring you. NOT! There is no valid reason to ring her, ever. Freak.

15) You creep the fuck out of every girl who likes his profile picture.

How dare she trespass on your territory, right? She obviously needs to be taken down a peg or two.

16) You get paranoid and severely offended if he doesn’t wear something you bought him.

Just because he’s not wearing that hoodie today does NOT, I repeat NOT mean he’s going to break up with you.

*Rolls eyes*