An Idiot’s Guide To Dealing With Women: What Not To Say To Your Angry Girlfriend

Not to be mean, but sometimes guys are fucking idiots. I think they just can’t handle girls when they’re angry and so they panic and say the worst possible thing. It might slip out accidentally, but you’re just adding more fuel to her already burning fire, my friend. So for the sake of all the girls around the world and the clueless boyfriends that would like to keep their balls attached to their bodies, here’s a list of all the things not to say when a girl is going on a mad one.

1) “Are you on your period?

Probably the worst one you could ever say. Most girls don’t get mood swings when they’re on their period, it’s actually before it, so her being angry has NOTHING to do with her time of the month. It’s because of something you’ve done. So you better figure out real fast what you did and apologise. Or else you won’t be getting any for the next decade.

2) “Relax.”

Girls are calm and tactical when they’re angry. There’s no point in telling them to calm down because they’re in this meditative mindset that’s teetering between angry and calm. So they may look like they couldn’t get any more angry…Until you tell them to “calm down”, that is. Crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

3) “Why are you being so psycho?”

This one will be getting you a reply along the lines of, “Oh, you think I’m being ‘psycho’? You haven’t even seen psycho.” Be afraid, be very afraid…

4) “What?”

LISTEN! Listen to her. She is shouting at you, how can you not hear her? Once you question what it is that she’s been saying, she’s going to pull the: “see, you never listen to me” card. Yeah, good luck with that….

5) “It’s not that big a deal.”

That’ll get you far alright, idiot. She wouldn’t be angry if it wasn’t that big a deal, would she? Now you’re undermining her. Dig the hole so deep that you can go find yourself a new girlfriend in China, my little friend.

6) “You’re being stupid.

Okay so first you’re disagreeing with her and now you’re going to question her intelligence? Big mistake. Huge.

7) “Stop being overdramatic.”

Whatever the reason she got angry at you was, she seemed to think that it was a plausible one. So when you say she’s being “overdramatic”, she’ll turn into Voldemort. Because she hasn’t even gotten to the dramatics yet, let alone the over dramatics. Brace yourself men….

8) “Stop nagging me.”

The reason she nags and tells you over and over again is so that you don’t forget, and what do you go and do? Forget. So when you call it “nagging” instead of her trying to help you, she won’t take it very well. And by that I mean you’re totally and utterly fucked pal.

9) “I’ll remember next time.”

Here’s the thing. The reason she’s shouting at you is because the last time, you promised to remember next time and here you are. Women have this extraordinary talent of regurgitating dates, times and where you were the last 10 times you forgot something and the last time you said that exact phrase and blah blah blah. Yeah, we’re crazy, deal with it.