24 Thoughts Every Girl Has At The Hairdressers

Going to the hairdressers is by far one of the most terrifying social activities of all time. You go in there with such high expectations, full of hope that you will emerge a new, replenished, improved version of yourself, only to realise halfway through that you may as well have done the job yourself. Here are some thoughts every girl has definitely had while at the hairdressers…

1) Is there some sort of reception desk here or do I just check myself in?
2) *counts number of people on couch multiplies by 0.5 and divides by number of working hairdressers*
3) I’m going to be waiting at least forty minutes. Fuck sake.
4) Good thing they have five hundred OK magazines from 2006.

5) Oh, me? I’m next? Yeah, fuck all you bitches.
6) Wait, I don’t even know what I want done yet. Maybe I should let someone else go first.
7) Forget it. I can’t give Mary the satisfaction of getting out of here before me when she obviously didn’t make an appointment anyway.
8) Okay perfect, a seat away from the door so no-one walking past can stare at me.

9) Ughhhh, why am I always stuck with Paula…
10) And she’s always just back from some fab holiday with her boyfrie… Oh, fiancée now it is? That’s great for you, Paula.
11) What you just said is literally the exact opposite of what I said I wanted done.
12) But I couldn’t possibly tell you that so I’ll just sit here and cry invisible tears.

13) Actually, I kind of like what you’re doing here.
14) This could be my most successful trip to the hairdressers ever if you keep this up, Paula.
15) Really? It had to be my hairdresser that answers the phone? Now I can see Mary glaring at me through the mirror.
16) God, I didn’t realise how much hair has gathered on the backwards cape. Maybe she’s cutting too much off…

17) I SAID I ONLY WANTED A TRIM GOD DAMN IT PAULA.
18) She better hope that hair dryer blows all that hair on the floor back onto my head real fast.
19) Nope. This is not what I came in here for. Not at all.
20) “Oh, this is perfect Paula! You’re a gem.”

21) I want to rip your throat out in your sleep, bitch.
22) That’s it, I’m never getting my hair cut again.
23) Time to pay these hoes and buy myself a wig.
24) Book again for six week’s time? Yes, of course I would!