21 Thoughts All Socially Awkward Girls Have

If you’re reading this, congratulations because you have the social fluidity of a zebra. Take your time reading the next 21 points so we can all cringe in unison at our horrible gift for unnecessary embarrassment. Enjoy!

1) Eye Contact In Public

“Oh God. We made eye contact. Don’t look again. don’t look again. AH! He’s still looking, why did you look again?!”

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2) Getting On A Bus

“Okay, tell the driver the amount… okay good, good…. okay now turn…. OH GOD they’re all looking at me. QUICKLY FIND A SEAT! SIT ANYWHERE GOD DAMN IT!”

3) Being Alone In An Elevator With Someone

“It’s okay, he’s just going to stand there. He feels the same way. Don’t go red! C’mon face! Why are you going red? STOP IT!”

4) A Cute Guy Trying To Chat To You

“He’s actually talking to me. This is horrible. Say something. Wait. What did he just ask me? Oh no, I missed it. Just laugh and nod. That’ll work….. oh no. It didn’t. Kill me now.”

5) Phone Calls

“I wish my Mam could call this person for me.”

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6) When A Shop Doesn’t Have A Self-Checkout

“All I want to do is get my bread and milk and leave. Why do I have to go to the counter? She’s going to try talk to me and I won’t know what to say. UGGGGHHH!”

7) Group Projects

“Can’t I just keep to myself and get through college? I’m too awkward for this shit.”

8) Eating In Public

“Keep your head down and take small bites so it doesn’t go all over your face.”

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9) Walking By Someone On The Street

“Okay which side is he going to? Okay, okay.. you go that way and I’ll go this way. Keep my head down or be a be powerful like Beyonce? Powerful! Make eye contact, go on! Be nice…… the bastard didn’t even try and smile! Let me crawl into a hole and die now.”

10) Peeing In A Public Bathroom

“Why is my pee so loud?! Everyone can hear me!”

11) You And Your Neighbour Leave At The Same Time

“Oh Fuck. Just give a little wave and a nod… Jesus. They want to try chat. RUN!”

12) You Have To Ask A Shop Assistant For Help

“Maybe if I stare at the shoes long enough, they will magically turn into my size.”

13) Squeezing By People On The Bus

“Here’s my stop. Just pick up your bag and ask politely if he’ll move….. or just make a random noise and gesture awkwardly towards the door. That works too. Idiot.”

14) When Your Voice Comes Out Croaky

“Why does God do this to meeeeeee?!”

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15) Hearing A Group Near You Laugh

“Are they laughing at me? There must be something on my back. Oh god. Just keep walking and ignore them.”

16) Asking The Shop Keeper For A Bag

“Just ask! It’s a normal question. Quickly you idiot, he’s giving you your change…. oh well, too late now. You’ll just have to carry them!

17) Trying To Find Your One Friend At A Party

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, where is she?! Why did I even agree to come. This was a horrible idea. But you can’t just turn and leave. Everyone will think that’s weird.”

18) Someone Saying Your Name Wrong

“Oh no. That’s not how you say it. CORRECT THEM! CORRECT THEM! Too late now, it’s passed. You’ll forever be ‘Tackie’ instead of ‘Jackie’.

19) Walking By A Full Bus

“They aren’t staring at you! Stop it…. oh god they are. Keep walking! Keep walking!”

20) Walking Out Of The Changing Rooms

“Do I have everything? Phone, bag, number tag, clothes… yep. Oh god are my knickers on show or is my top on right? Do I look a state? I should have checked the mirror again!”

21) Spotting Someone You Know While Shopping

“Dum, da, dum, di dum….. OH GOD. Is that Karen? Shit. It’s Karen! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!”

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