18 Moments Every Jealous Girl Will Instantly Recognise

Is there a little green eyed monster buried deep within you just dying to get out? Don’t lie to me, you jealous Jane, because when it comes down to it, we’re all a little bit jealous, a little bit in competition with every single person around us and just generally, we want to be better than you and that’s that, ok? So listen up everyone envious, this one’s for you. Here are 18 moments every jealous girl will know to be true:

1) You feel super proud of yourself for being employed and not a total waster, until you find out what your friends salaries are and you instantly want to punch something and quit, in no particular order.

Worthless, undervalued and under-appreciated? Tick, tick and TICK AGAIN.

2) You spend every waking moment hoping, praying and silently begging that your friend’s new boyfriend is actually just really photographic and totes ugly in real life but then you meet him and he isn’t and you’re actually just crushed.

He’s probably got a shit personality though.

3) You pretend otherwise, but every time one of your siblings outdoes you, you wish a strong dose of diarrhoea on them.

And you’re actually not even sorry.

4) The most nerve wrecking part of getting exam results is the fear that your friends will outdo you. Again.

Must have just been a lucky fluke. Again.

5) You can’t even hide the fact that watching your friend get hit on while you stand there as invisible as a low fat wafer is utterly ego destroying.

But clearly he’s just using her to get to me. That explains it.

6) You feel your blood surge every time a girl (any girl) so much as ATTEMPTS to like your boyfriend’s statuses.

Comment while you’re at it bitch, I DARE you.

7) And as for meeting any of these bitches on a night out?

I’d start running now if I were you Shaniqua. Very, very quickly.

8) You have a sick and burning passion to know everything about his ex-girlfriends, but at the same time, your skin immediately crawls at the mere mention of their names.

I don’t care if I was the one who brought them up, you shouldn’t be thinking about anyone else but me, ever. Got it?

9) There’s nothing that can kill your buzz quite as quickly as seeing your friend look twice as amazing as you with less than half the effort.

What a backstabbing beee-atch.

10) Oh, your boyfriend is just casually hanging out with some of ‘the girls’ is he?

Not if I fucking well have anything to do with it, he isn’t.

11) You secretly (deep, dark down) hope that your friend’s Tinder date actually just goes to shit.

I just don’t think that I’m ready to lose her to the epidemic known as ‘being in a relationship’.

12) For months, you planned on getting extensions to rival, shall we say ‘Sarah’ and her waterfall-like mane. Then Sarah tells you that it’s actually her natural hair and instantly, we all hate Sarah.

Go get a haircut Sarah, I suddenly notice a hella-lot of split ends going on there.

13) You kissed how many people last night?


14) There are numerous times (during the day), when you genuinely get face ache from pretending to be happy for other people’s shit successes.

Fake smiling is literally a workout in itself. *Sigh*

15) Excuse me, you’ve got how many Tinder matches this week?

Well, someone’s a little desperate….

16) You fire yourself up for a great bitching session with your mate about her so called ‘excuse of a boyfriend’, but then she spends two hours praising him and you’ve never felt quite so let down by anyone or anything.

You did not sign up for this shit-fest of fire.

17) Your friend tells you she’s put on ‘so much weight’ and secretly you can’t wait to see her and feel a little better about your own bloat, but then you do and she’s a lying, skinny, snakey sneak and it hurts.

Well, I never…

18) And finally, there’s really nothing quite like seeing that devious hoe-bag from school turn out hotter than a freshly baked potato, to really ruin a perfectly good Tuesday.

Why do good things happen to bad people?

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