17 Stupid Things Students Do On A Night Out…

Students and nights out go together like bread and butter, beer and nuts, salt and pepper. Nights out in college are like the little Christmases and Birthdays have all come at once. They’re the best part of the week and something to always plan and look forward to. Here are 17 stupid things students do on a night out;

1. Having an early dinner to minimise soakage.

Planning to eat dinner at five thirty so that the soakage is well gone before the drinking starts may seem like a fool-proof plan. That is, of course until you unscrew the bottle of Jäger and the mere whiff of it sends your head reeling and your dinner disappearing.

2. Mixing pre-drinks.

It’s college – no-one uses Coke as a mixer anymore. Why use Coke when you can maximise your chances of getting shitfaced by using another spirit instead? Smirnoff Ice with Smirnoff is a winning combination, believe me.

3. Refilling another sneaky mini bottle from your bigger bottle.

We all know how it is. You buy the big bottle from Lidl because it’s cheaper than buying a little one every time you’re going out. You swear you’ll only fill half a water bottle and then save the rest for the next night. You hide the rest for again. Easy, right? Wrong. You drink everything in your line of sight. You go to your room. You find the half full vodka bottle hidden under a sock. You return to the kitchen to find the taxi has arrived early. Rather than traipsing back to your room, you down it in eight seconds to the sounds of ‘down it’ and then jog out the door in a sweat.

4. Wearing heels whilst shitfaced.

It’s hard enough walking in 6-inch stilettos when you’re sober, never mind when you’re downing that bottle of Cider like it’s water. Chances are you’ll bitch and moan about said heels all night anyway. Why not save the plasters and Sudocrem, and wear flats instead?

5. Drinking in the taxi.

Like I’ve already mentioned, if you haven’t finished your drink by the time the taxi has arrived, it’s in your best interest it to leave it on the kitchen table. But you being the idiot student that you are, haven’t a notion of actually doing this because that’d be smart.

6. Entertaining everyone with your dancing in the queue.

You’ve now arrived at the club, your levels of intoxication are peaking and all you want is to sing and dance while you wait. Don’t. You may think it’s funny and that everyone’s having a great time watching you attempt the shuffle dance, but they’re not. They’re laughing at you and not with you. Awkward.

7. Spending 2 hours in the bathroom cubicle discussing the meaning of life.

Girls, this one is for you. It’s no secret us ladies spend a surplus amount of time in the bathrooms of a nightclub. Not only are we wasting our own night out pondering whether or not Natasha’s ex will be here tonight, we’re also wasting the nights of those other girls whose bladders are fit to burst from waiting for us. Be considerate – pee and get the f*** out.

8. Donating your life funds to the lady with the lollipops.

As we stagger around the sink in search of some paper to dry our hands, a lovely, cunning woman reaches out her hand, offering us a sheet of paper. Our jaws drop at her kindness. We feel obliged to thank her, our words not being enough. So we hand her whatever change we come across in our clutch bags, even if it spells the difference between getting home or not. But it’s all okay because we got a lollipop.

9. Buying just one more shot.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but when my friend asks me to do a shot, I just can’t turn them down. In a nightclub full of drunken youths with everyone else to choose from, they’ve chosen me and I cannot let them down. I feel so privileged. Slippery nipples it is.

10. Spending the night looking for the pull.

Boys, this one is for you. All you seem to care about is having your wicked way even if it means following that one girl around all night like a broken puppy. It’s not a good look. No-one finds desperate attractive, after all.

11. Keeping a record of your kissing conquests.

You would think this one would also apply to the boys, but it actually applies for both. It’s one thing telling your friends the next day about how successful you were in the pulling department, but no-one wants to hear about the eleven lads you got with in one night. No, really. They don’t.

12. Having an overwhelming urge for food.

You’re just out of the nightclub at 2:30am, staggering through the streets and willing to queue up for an hour for day old slice of pizza. Do you really think it’s going to be freshly baked with only the finest ingredients? Do you really care though?

13. Not eating the pizza you queued an eternity for.

You’ll get there, pay for your food, get your food, look around to find there’s nowhere to sit, and before you can say “pizza” you’ll be in a taxi going home with no food to show for your struggles. Fail.

14. Getting sick in the taxi.

It’s cold, it’s raining and all you want is to put on your comfies and snuggle into bed. Instead, you’re on the side of the street trying to flag down a taxi. You aren’t feeling great (more than likely because of the dodgy pizza you just half ate), but you promise your friends you’ll last the journey home. Before you know it, the taxi driver is pulling over at an ATM and you’re forking over €150 for destroying his cab with pepperoni and the smell of a dying rat. Oh no…

15. Continuing to drink at home until 5am.

Shots of the remaining vodka when you get home? You’ve puked it all up on the way home, so what harm will another few drinks do anyway? Replenishing supplies, if you will.

16. Drunkenly Cooking.

Once the shots have been had and everyone’s feeling a little less than merry, there’s only one thing to lighten the spirits (pun absolutely intended): food. Be it a pack of sausages or fine dining on pasta carbonara, feeding the poor and hungry is the best way to get the banter back in full swing. The downside to that is the only person who’ll be poor and hungry the next day is you.

17. Claiming the night was shit because you didn’t pull.

This is forever the case with men. Girls may bitch and moan all night about their heels, but you lads will take bitching and moaning and raise us two hundred and seventy big ones. Avicii may have been DJing in the club and Jägerbombs may have been three for a tenner, but no action means you should have just stayed at home.