13 “Ladylike” Rules All Females Need To Break

How many times did you hear the phrase “that’s not very ladylike” when you were growing up? From sitting with your legs open, to swearing profusely, there are so many things that us, as girls, aren’t supposed to do. And do you know what I say to the people who use that phrase? Fuck you. We can do whatever the hell we want, because in case you didn’t know, females aren’t dainty little things that need to abide by society’s old-fashioned expectations of women. Here are just some of the stupid “ladylike” rules that every girl needs to break:

1) Close your legs.

Ah yes, girls need to sit with their legs closed because *METAPHOR ALERT* we shouldn’t have casual sex because we’re girls, whereas the fat guy sitting beside you on the bus can sit with his legs as wide as he wants because he’s a guy. Nah man. Sitting positions ain’t gender orientated, so excuse me while I spread my legs all over this couch.

2) Don’t burp or fart-ever.

We’re not allowed burp or fart because we’re girls/ ladiesWe actually don’t even have asses. OH WAIT. We do. This rule should also be applied to guys too, because burping in someone’s face is just disgusting unless you’re into that sort of thing, which, let’s be honest here, no sensible person every really is.

3) Sit up straight.

Eh, fuck you. My back hurts and just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I have to constantly sit like I have a stick up it. ALRIGHT?

4) Sports aren’t for girls.

If you happen to enjoy sports, you’re called a tomBOY. Cuz girls shouldn’t play sport, we might get hurt *blinks innocently*. Instead, we should be inside spending time learning how to cook and mainly for the men who play sports. Pfffft, get real!

5) Cursing like a sailor.

This one is fucking stupid because since when are words assigned to genders? I have a mouth, I will say whatever the fuck I want with it, bitches. Now fuck off.

6) Drinking beer.

When I had my first Bulmers, I was told that if I had to drink it, I should drink it out of a glass rather than a bottle, because that’s more ladylike. And to this day, I still don’t even know what to say to that person because this rule is fucking ridiculous. Drink what you want, when you want just because you can.

7) Being assertive.

Stop holding your tongue and being afraid to voice your opinion, because you’re a girl. Stand the fuck up and speak yo’ mind girl. You were given a brain, don’t be afraid to vocalise those thoughts every now and then.

8) Spitting.

Well this is actually disgusting and no one should do it, but guys aren’t slated when they spit on the ground. Because they do. All the time. But girls aren’t allowed because it’s not “laaaadylike”. Obvs. Noticing a pattern here?

9) Waiting for him to make the first move.

Do I have all day? Boys are stupid and I won’t be waiting around for them to get their shit together. So if you want to kiss him, kiss him.

10) Don’t be messy.

God forbid you act like a human and spill your food on your clothes, because we all know that as vagina owners, we’re not allowed be anything but neat. Curse you clitoris!

11) Your shit shouldn’t smell.

Because if girls have to poo, which is rare, they are always odourless or have a faint hint of freshly cut grass. But girls don’t poo, and periods aren’t real…. get the fuck out you crazy cat.

12) Don’t sleep together on the first date.

Eh, yano what? If I want to have some sexy time, I will go out and have it, but thanks for your concern all the same sunshine.

13) Girls are their father’s property.

Em, no. Just no. We don’t belong to anyone but ourselves, so tell that guy from Tinder he doesn’t need to meet the rents before you go for drinks. That’d just be awkward for everyone really…