11 Irrational Thoughts Every Worrier Has On A Daily Basis

Anyone who isn’t a worrier will never truly understand the struggles of us worrying folk. Breaking out into a sweat, heart racing, thinking you’re going to die because of a mole on your back that’s always been there. All the non-worriers should be fucking thanking God they’re not a member of the Worry Club because it’s a tough business to be in. Here are 11 irrational thoughts every worrier has on a daily basis:

1) Hearing A Noise At Night

This is it. I’m about to be murdered. Don’t even try to run and hide. RIP me, it was good while it lasted.

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2) Someone Not Texting Back

They’ve died. We were having a full on conversation for the last two hours and now they’ve dropped off the face of the earth and left me here, alone and with many more unanswered questions.

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3) Walking Through Airport Security

I’m not a terrorist. I’m not a terrorist. I’m not a terrorist. Please don’t think I’m a terrorist. Act casual and non-terrorist like.

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4) The Phone Ringing At Odd Times

Someone has died. I can’t answer. It’s a death notice and I just don’t feel as though I’m ready for this crushing news.

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5) Getting Shampoo In Your Eyes

I’m blind. I hope I enjoyed my life full of sight because I’m now blind. *Ow*

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6) Cooking Anything Risky (Aka Chicken)

Is it cooked right the way through? I don’t want to get food poisoning, after all.

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7) Speaking Your Mind In Group Situations (Or Any Situation Really)

They hate me. I shouldn’t have said that, they’re going to hate me now. Bye, bye friends, I’ll never forget you.

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8) Waking Up Before Your Alarm

HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY ALARM DIDN’T GO OFF! AM I LATE??!

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9) Leaving Your House In A Rush

Did I lock the back door? Turn off the iron, oven, hair straightener? Put the alarm on? What if I don’t go back and check everything and the house burns down? That’s just not a risk I’m willing to take, to be honest.

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10) Leaving The Shops Without Buying Anything

I didn’t steal anything, I swear, please stop looking at me as though I’m some sort of prized criminal.

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11) Googling Your Symptoms When You’re Sick

I’m going to die. I have Pneumono­ultra­microscopic­silico­volcano­coniosis and that’s just it for me. #Peaceoutbitches

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