10 Things That Will Happen When You Tell People You Have Depression

There’s nothing funny about living with depression. Well no, actually, that’s a lie. There are quite a lot of things you will still find funny. Sometimes, you’ll laugh and you’ll feel guilty about being happy while you’re depressed because you’ll feel as though you’ve somehow conned everyone into believing that you’re not well and that somehow, laughing should be off the agenda for the immediate future. Oh no wait, that’s a lie too. Laughing is essential to your survival. It will be your best form of defense when you begin to tell people that you’re not feeling the Mae West.

Our society has a fucked up relationship with what is now known as mental health. On one side, the media love us. It has become cool to be depressed. Anyone who has experienced a mental health problem can find their way onto some late night talk show, as long as they’re ok and normal now, like right now, because there are people watching – those poor souls cradling their tubs of ice-cream and bawling their eyes out – and they need hope.

On the flip side though, are the people the media never talk about – normal people – the ones who don’t believe in depression. Being minus fun? Crying over nothing? Not being able to leave your house? Nah. Can’t be having any of that. A lot of funny things happen when you put it out there and tell people, “I have depression” and here are just a few:

"her mind is a work of art waiting to be put on a canvas"-m.h.

1. Everyone you confide in will immediately start behaving like the CIA.

Most people will be great. They will be your bouncers, your PR, your best friends and above all, these people are now your secret keeper. They won’t tell a soul, honest.

2. They’ll remind you how lucky/pretty/funny/perfect you are, and it will make you feel worse.

And then you’ll feel guilty for making them feel guilty about making you feel guilty….and so on and so forth.

3. People will tell you their depressing problems….

And boy, do you want and NEED to hear about the time she found her cat being eaten alive by rats now more than ever before.

even though there are many parallels in this world.. . none will ever be equivalent to the depth that she contained within her. .. "(c) 2014 b4technicolor"

4. And give you advice…

“It would probably to best not to mention the depression thing in a job interview.” Why thank you, how wise and informative of you, dear friend.

5. And make inappropriate comments.

“I think I’d be anorexic too if only I had the willpower” and “Wow, what do you even have to be depressed about?”

*Deep breathing*

6. Your therapist will ask, “How are you?” in a casual way.

And you will want to respond, “I’m about to pay you a ridiculous amount of money to tell you exactly how I feel over the next hour. What do you want from me, a sound bite?”

7. You’ll play, “Spot the Psycho,” with a Pharmacist.

If you’ve ever been in a pharmacy waiting on a prescription and see the head of the pharmacist pop up to play, “Spot the Psycho”, you’ll know what I mean. You watch from behind the half-price Sally Hansen shelf as they scan the room. Crouching tiger, hidden crazy person. You try to look happy, or at least normal. You’re browsing – ok pretending to browse – with a half smile on your face – not a crazy smile just a content grin  g

You watch from behind the half-price Sally Hansen shelf as they scan the room. Crouching tiger, hidden crazy person. You try to look happy, or at least, normal. You’re browsing – ok pretending to browse – with a half smile on your face – not a crazy smile mind you, just a content grin  goddamn it. As soon as they cross you, their eyes say bingo and they call your name. It doesn’t help that you’re usually coming straight from the doctor’s office where you’ve spent the last half hour using up his Kleenex like they were going out of fashion. If you’re lucky, the pharmacist won’t offer you a free hug. (It was one time.)

8. Scared shitless friends will treat you like the grim reaper.

Or O.J. Simpson, or Amanda Bynes. Charlie Sheen, Britney circa 2007, Gollum from The Lord of the Rings, Lord Voldemort… Basically, no one you would invite around for tea with your Gran. :(

9. You may compete to be more or less depressed than your other depressed friend(s).

This is an embarrassing one. 1 in 4 people suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives, so it’s likely one of your close friends will be in the same boat. It’s surprising how much of a laugh you will have with your depressed buddy. But here’s the clincher: Depression affects everyone in different ways. Things might get weird if either one of you is having a more down time than the other. You might be frustrated that they don’t seem as sick as you, or jealous if they seem to be getting better, or even guilty if you start to feel better than them. Take five and regroup and it’ll all be fine.

10. Your dog will love you more than ever.

You’ll be relieved to know that you don’t have to tell your dog anything. They already know. Dogs are more likely to approach someone who’s crying, than someone who happens to be humming or talking, regardless of whether that person is their owner or not. They adjust their behavior to suit your mood. You don’t even have to cry: they know when you’re having a bad day. And they won’t judge you. They won’t give you advice, or tell you it’s all in your head. They will just quietly be there for you when you need them most. (And that, my friends, is the number one reason why dogs are better than cats and people too, kind of…